is this right?

i don't know if you remember the first time we met. to be honest, i am not sure if i remember all of the details, but some parts remain clear. we met in a public place and when i looked at you the rest of the world was out of focus. when you spoke it was as if i couldn't even hear myself. when i touched your hand your flesh was like the future.

that isn't true, is it? we both know precisely how we met. we were standing in line at the grocery store at midnight. you were buying twenty packages of ivory soap and a banana. you had lined up the soap on the conveyor belt quite neatly, and had carefully placed the banana on top. i was with my boyfriend. we were 18. i wanted him to buy condoms, but he was afraid, and so i was buying them. i held the condoms in my hand, and positioned my body so you couldn't see. even though you were clearly a freak, because of the soap, i still felt too embarrassed to let you see what i was buying.

or were you someone different? were you perhaps the waiter in the greek diner with the pencil mustache from whom i ordered waffles and strawberries for dinner in the middle of winter? you were disapproving, but i ordered what i wanted. my friend asked for soup and a baked potato with bacon on top. you gave me a reproachful look, as if to say "see, you should listen to your sensible friend." i left you a big tip because you gave my waffles the delicious flavor of protest.

no! remember how we sat on a children's climbing structure behind my college dorm eating oranges and drinking coffee. i wanted to share the incredible flavors, courtesy of wallace stevens, with you. it was autumn and the air was cold in my mouth. i wanted to show you how i could do the monkey bars. but you wanted to go to a party. so we sat around for a bit. and then you couldn't do the monkey bars. and so we left the fresh outside. and i never forgave you.

perhaps, when i killed the dragon, it was you who sat afraid in his cave. i loved you so much. it is funny to think i could have l felt so deeply only to have forgotten you. you sat amidst the stolen gold, and it made your face look yellow. were you crying? did you care for the dragon or fear for me. i had to kill him. i tried bargining, rationalizing, and pleading, but the dragon swore you were his most valuable prize. and so i won you, but later i discarded you. what was i to do with your sorrow?

we rode to the moon once. we chased our dreams there. they had gotten carried away. but we were cold on the moon and so we floated back down to earth. we lost those dreams and then we lost each other. i'm glad to have you back.

i saw a red tailed hawk! powerful wings beat over my head. i wish you could have seen it. where were you? was that when you were working? you have missed so much.